Superman: The Tragedy

 

Superman: The Movie

Recently, in a moment of parenting genius, I decided to let Jacob watch "Superman: The Movie." Since he's four years old and I remembered it being a pretty tame movie (rated PG in the 70s), I thought it would be fine. Well, clearly my memory wasn't that great... and fine it was not.

You maybe haven't seen this movie in a while, so let me refresh your memory about what happens. First of all, we spend an awfully long time at the beginning on the planet of Krypton, which is about to blow up. Superman is a baby at this point getting ready to be shipped off to earth. Jacob's commentary:

"I’m afraid about the baby."

The planet blows up (which is quite concerning to Jacob, since Superman's parents are on the planet), and Superman flies away to earth. On earth, Superman gets adopted and becomes Clark Kent. Things seem to be going okay now... for about five minutes. Then Superman's adopted dad kicks the bucket too (heart attack).  Jacob's commentary:

"I’m afraid about Superman’s parents."

Eventually Superman goes up north and takes the green rock with him (the codex that came with him in his space ship). He chucks it across the frozen land, and the fortress of solitude emerges. Jacob's commentary:

"I'm sad that he didn't like the green thing. I'm sad that he littered his dad's gift."

Superman's dad appears in the fortress of solitude in a kind of icy vision. Hurray! But... when he's done talking to Superman, this icy hologram breaks up into a bunch of pieces in a 1970s special effect. Jacob's commentary:

"Man, this is a pretty sad movie. First the red planet exploded. Then Superman’s dad broke into ice. I just want Superman to be a baby again when everyone loved him."

The rest of the movie was not so bad after that, but after the first hour being, well, "pretty sad," it hardly redeems itself.

So, note to self: next time check CommonSenseMedia.org for recommended viewing age before showing "Superman: The Tragedy" to 4-year-old son.