Well, that pretty much exhausts my knowledge of how computers work

Batman: Do you have a camera where the pictures come right out of the camera?

Me: No, but I can put them on the computer and print them.

Batman: Do they come out of the computer?

Me: No, they come out of the printer.

Batman: But how does the printer know how to do its job?

Me: Well the computer sends instructions to the printer to print the picture. And then the printer uses the ink to make all the different colors it needs to print the picture on the paper.

Batman: But how does the computer know how to do its job?

Me: Well........... the computer has some hardware, some parts inside that are like the computer's brain, but it speaks a different language than we speak. You and I speak English. The computer uses different kinds of languages and there are people who know how to write code and programs in the computer's language that it understands so that when you press keys and click buttons it knows what to do.

Batman: Do you know how to speak it?

Me: It's not really a spoken language, but no, I don't know how. I have some friends who do.

Batman: Well, that's okay. Maybe you can ask your friends to teach it to you.

The Eloquent T-Rex

Batman and I played dinosaurs in his room today. He was Godzilla the T-Rex, and I was  Dilophosorous...

Dilophosaurus: Remember when you used to teach the baby pteranodons how to fly?

Godzilla: Yes, I remember.

Dilophosaurus: Wasn't that fun?

Godzilla: Yes, I liked the whoosh of air on my skin as they took off from my nose.

An Imagination Disaster

Batman: Do you know why I don't flush the toilet?

Me: Why?

Batman: It's because I do my imagination, and I think there's a monster behind the curtain, and if I make any sounds or move at all, I think it's going to come out and eat me and swallow me whole.

Me: I see.

Batman: And I'm afraid a monster made out of pee and poo is going to come out of the toilet and go all around the house making a terrible smell and chasing everyone. Isn't that a terrible monster?..... Why are you laughing? It's not funny! It's an imagination disaster.

Conversations with Batman: On Brotherly Love

Whenever I post about the boys on Facebook, people always tell me, "You should put these stories in a book!" Fortunately, my wonderful little brother has done that for me the last 2 years (here's hoping for a third!), so it's fun to look back at all the funny, cute, and silly things that happen between the boys. Here are a few "mini stories" about brotherly love...

February 27, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 2 months old

At the store tonight, Drew was riding in his car seat in the cart. He was crying, so I was rocking the car seat to calm him down. Jacob wanted a turn rocking the car seat, so after I got Drew to stop crying, I said, "Okay Jacob, it's your turn now." Jacob looks at Drew and says, "But he's not crying anymore," and then bursts into tears. And the kids win again!

June 3, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 5 months old

Jacob to Drew this morning: "Drew, I'm not going to tickle you if you're whining and crying. Here's what has to happen. First I need to eat breakfast, then I can tickle you, and then when you get crabby, you can take a nap and I can watch a movie."

June 11, 2013

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 5 months old

Jacob: Mommy, I want you to make Drew say, "I wish I could have fruit loops for breakfast."

Me: Okay, Drew says, "I wish I could have fruit loops for breakfast."

Jacob: No, Drew. You're a baby. You only eat milk. Mommy, now make Drew say, "But I really want fruit loops."

Me: Okay Drew says, "Bu I really want fruit loops."

Jacob: (sighs dramatically) "You talk to him, Mommy."

June 16, 2013

Jacob 3 years old; Drew 5 months old

Me: Look, Jacob, Drew found the fish on his play mat.

Jacob: Can Drew get a sticker?

Me: Drew doesn't have a sticker chart.

Jacob: I will share my sticker chart.

Nice try, bud.

June 28, 2013

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 6 months old

Jacob: Why didn't your tummy broke when Drew came out?

Me: Because that's how mommies are made. Their tummies don't break when babies come out.

Jacob: Is there another baby in your tummy?

Me: No.

Jacob: I really like two babies. Then you could have one to feed, and I could have one to feed.

Me: You'd like that?

Jacob: Mm hmm. I could feed Drew and you could feed the new baby. I really love Drew.

July 8, 2013

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 6 months old

Jacob: Drew, you can't watch the dinosaur movie. You have to take a nap.

Me: Maybe Drew can just dream about dinosaurs.

Jacob: Drew, dinosaurs are really scary.

Me: Okay, maybe Drew can dream about puppies.

Jacob: Puppies might bark at you Drew.

Me: Maybe he can dream about chickens.

Jacob: Chickens might poop on you, Drew.

Me: Then Drew can dream about fish.

Jacob: Fish might make you all yucky. And you would say, eww! Gross!

Me: Okay, Drew can dream about horses.

Jacob: Okay. Horses are good.

August 9, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 7 months old

This just about sums up today:

"No, it's my turn to cry, Drew!" - Jacob

August 16, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 7 months old

Today Jacob said to Drew, "Stop crying, Drew. Your crying makes my ears hurt. It makes my ears want to die."

The writer in me is sort of proud of his understanding of hyperbole. The mom in me is slightly disturbed.

September 8, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 8 months old

Jacob to Drew this morning: "You have oatmeal all over your face, Drew. I bet I could eat you after I finish my scrambled eggs."

September 8, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 8 months old

I guess Jacob has it out for Drew this morning: "It's time for you to go back in mommy's tummy!"

September 10, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 8 months old

Jacob is at preschool, which means Drew has free reign over all the toys in the living room. I think it may be the best morning of his life.

September 18, 2012

Jacob 3 years old; Drew, 8 months old

While riding his red plastic motorcycle...

Jacob: Now I'm going to run over you, Drew!

Me: No you're not.

Jacob: Okay, then I'm going to shoot fire out of the back of my motorcycle at you, Drew!

Me: Okay, that's fine.

September 21, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 8 months old

Jacob is feeding Drew while I work in the kitchen. I am a genius.

October 4, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 9 months old

Jacob: Drew, you are weird. Definitely weird.

Me: Why is Drew weird?

Jacob: Because he just grabs trash. He thinks he's a garbage truck.

October 18, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 9 months old

"Isn't she a beauty, Drew?" - Jacob, about the race car carts at Hy-Vee

October 21, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 9 months old

During dinner, Drew threw his cup on the floor off of his high chair. Jacob picked it up for him and said, "We're not playing right now, Drew. I'm trying to eat my dinner." When Drew immediately threw the cup on the floor again, Jacob scowled and said, "That's it. I'm not getting your cup anymore."... Two words: poetic justice.

October 29, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 10 months old

Me: Look, Jacob! Drew is standing all by himself.

Jacob: Drew! You're standing all by yourself! I'm so proud of you! You really are changing into a big boy!

January 10, 2013

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 1 year old

Jacob: I wish I could be a daddy so I could do whatever I want.
Me: Did you know that once when you were 2 you asked me why I was tired, and I said it was hard work being a Mama? Then I asked if you if it was hard work being a kid, and you told me it's good to be a kid.
Jacob: I know, but it's hard work being a brother.
Me: Why is it hard to be a brother?
Jacob: It's hard not to do naughty things to your baby brother.

True enough.

February 27, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 13 months old

Me: Daddy doesn't want to have any more kids in our family.
Jacob: Aww man, why?
Me: He thinks two is enough. How many do you think is enough?
Jacob: I think one is enough.

March 7, 2013
Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 14 months old
"If you get in the dishwasher, you'll get super super messy, and your outfit will get messy, and our whole baby will be ruined and won't be the cutest baby anymore. So that's why you can't get in the dishwasher, Drew." - Jacob

May 1, 2013
Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 16 months old
Drew slipped in the tub and split his chin open. He may have bit his tongue too -- I'm not really sure, but there was a lot of blood until we got it under control. Jacob's commentary during this event:

"I don't ever want my mouth to bleed like that." 

"Make that water go away. I want new bathwater. Drew ruined that water with blood. Sorry, Drew, but you didn't make a very good bath for me." 

Clearly the sympathetic older brother!

May 10, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 16 months old

Jacob and Drew were playing so nicely down at the end of the hallway that for awhile I "hid" in the kitchen and sun room so I wouldn't distract them. When I finally decided to check on them to see what they were doing, I found them playing with a handful of sharp toothpicks, a few wooden skewers and 2 cork screws.

May 26, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew 17 months old

Recently Jacob figured out how to defeat the child proofing on our cabinets. Now Drew can do it too. Coincidence or conspiracy?

August 24, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 20 months old

"Drew's diaper is really stinky. It's wafting over here." - Jacob

Wafting? Where did he pick that up?

August 28, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 20 months old

Yep, the boys actually had this fight this morning...

Jacob: Drew, I took away your super powers!
(Drew starts crying)
Me: Jacob, that's not nice. Give him his super powers back.
(Drew stops crying)
Jacob: But his super powers are bad!
Me: Drew, are you going to use your super powers to do good things?
(Drew shakes his head no)
Me: Are you going to use your super powers to do bad things?
Drew: Uh huh.
Me: Well, then I'm sorry, Drew. You can't have them back.
Jacob: Here, I'll go throw his super powers in the trash.
Me: No, we'll save them for later for when he's ready to use them for good.
Jacob: Okay.

September 15, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 20 months old

Apparently Jacob is ready to potty train Drew. He took him in the bathroom with him today and I overheard this...

"Now you sit on the little potty and I'll use the big potty. You're not ready for the big potty yet. Sit down now... yep... now push..... Did anything come out?...... Nope.... I wish we were experts at knowing when you needed to go potty."

September 19, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 20 months old

Jacob, Drew, and the talking lawn mower playing this morning...

Lawn Mower: It's time to fill up the gas! Where is the gas?
Jacob: No, Drew, that's the oil!
Lawn Mower: We need the gas!
Jacob: Not that one, Drew!
Lawn Mower: We need the gas!
Jacob: It's this one, Drew!
Lawn Mower: Great job!
Jacob: Bad job, Drew.

September 28, 2013

Jacob, 4 years old; Drew, 21 months old

While I was cleaning the kitchen, Jacob took Drew into the bathroom. When I went to check on them, I discovered that Jacob had taken Drew's pants and diaper off, Drew had used the potty chair and was working on getting his pants back on. He had managed one leg. We haven't started potty training Drew, but apparently Jacob has.

Conversations with Batman: On Rocket

Poor Rocket. No wonder you’re such a cranky dog sometimes...

October 12, 2011
Jacob, 2 years old
Tonight Jacob carried his snack, a bowl of shredded cheese, down to the living room. A few minutes later he came back up:

Jacob: I made a mess downstairs.

Me: What did you spill?

Jacob: Cheese.

Me: Are you going to clean it up?

Jacob: No, Rocket’s going to clean it up.

October 30, 2011
Jacob, 2 years old
Trick-or-treating has changed. Apparently you don’t have to say “trick or treat” anymore, or even a simple “hi.” The new way seems to be running up to the door, grabbing candy, and leaving. It’s just as well, I guess, since it gives Rocket less time to try to escape the 2-year-old tiger terrorizing him. More than once he tried to make a break for the open door.

November 1, 2011
Jacob, 2 years old

Home with Jacob and Rocket today. Jacob is terrorizing Rocket as usual, chasing him with the motorcycle and dump truck. He prefers the dump truck though. Why? Here’s what he told Andy a couple weeks ago (as he was parking his motorcycle and getting the dump truck out): “This motorcycle makes Yaya (Rocket) go slow, but this dump truck makes Yaya go fast. Because Yaya barks at the motorcycle but runs from the dump truck.”

June 16, 2012
Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 5 months old

Rocket: What happened, Drew? I thought we were friends.

Drew: Well that was before I got better at using my hands.

Rocket: Why does that have to change anything?

Drew: Because your fur looks so soft and I’d really like to pull it.

Rocket: (sigh) I had such high hopes for this one.

August 8, 2012
Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 7 months old

Jacob to Rocket this morning: “I’m sorry that Drew tried to pull your fur out. But you scratched Drew and that’s why we had to put you outside. But I still love you when you do naughty things.”

August 10, 2012

Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 7 months old

Jacob is playing chase with Rocket right now. For Jacob, it's a really fun game. Rocket, on the other hand, is running for his life.

September 20, 2012
Jacob, 3 years old; Drew, 8 months old

“I really love Rocket. Even when I drop food on the floor and he gets it too fast and I’m mad at Rocket, he knows I still love him.” – Jacob

November 1, 2012
Jacob, 2 years old; Drew, 10 months old

After months of planning, trial-and-error, and being thwarted at every turn, Drew finally succeeded in tasting Rocket's dog food. Was it everything you hoped for, little bud?

Bear stew and other delicacies

Reading stories before bed tonight, Jacob and I had the following conversation:

Jacob: Are brown bears the biggest animal in the world?

Me: They're the biggest animal in our country.

Jacob: I want you to take me to see a brown bear so we can attack it and then have bear stew.

Me: Well, bears are pretty dangerous. I don't know if that's a good idea.

Jacob: We'll just put out some red meat and then while the bear is attacking the meat, I'll jump on its back and stomp on it.

Me: It would still be dangerous because bears are very strong with sharp claws. And we don't want to hurt animals. It's true that we eat some animals, but only what we need. The rest of the animals we should leave alone.

Jacob: Why?

Me: Because they're creatures like us, so don't you think they should get to live on the earth?

Jacob: I do, but bears are carnivores and they attack other plant-eaters and carnivores, so that's why we should attack them.

Me: They do eat some animals, but they usually only eat as much as they need, too.

Jacob: But I've never eaten an animal.

Me: You've eaten cow.

Jacob: No I haven't!

Me: Beef is cow. And you've eaten buffalo. And chicken.

Jacob: But I've never eaten... (leaning in close and lowering his voice)... bear... (whispers) or giraffe... (whispers more softly) or elephant.

Me: Um, no you haven't. Let's keep reading.

So... who says kids are picky eaters? Should I be disturbed? Or should I pat myself on the back for raising a child with an...er... adventurous palate? I guess I shouldn't be surprised from the kid who tried lutefisk and chicken feet as a baby.

Conversations with Batman: On Bugs

What is it with boys and bugs? (And boys and dinosaurs? And things with wheels? And things that are gross? And things that eat other things?)

March 7, 2012
Jacob, 3 years old
A conversation with Jacob from across the room while I'm feeding Drew...

Jacob: I found a bug.
Me: Is it dead or alive?
Jacob: It's dead. Wait... it's alive.
Me: Does it move all by itself?
Jacob: No. It don't.
Me: That means it's dead.
Jacob: Uh oh. I broke it.

July 19, 2012
Jacob, 3 years old
Jacob: What are you talking about?
Brown Grandma: We're talking about how Uncle John used to have a hole in his heart.
Jacob: Was it from a bug bite? Did a bug bite a piece? Like a beetle?

July 23, 2012
Jacob, 3 years old
Jacob invented his first super hero today: Big Bug Superman. He drives a big bug car that's bigger than a monster truck and he eats yellow food. It's better than what my mom and I though he said originally, Big Butt Superman.

Jacob predicts the end of night wakings

Jacob: Guess what? It’s the end of cuddling in the middle of the night.

Me: Is that what you decided or what Daddy decided?

Jacob: What I decided.

Me: Why?

Jacob: Because Daddy’s been really rude to me a lot of times, so I’m not going to cuddle with him in the middle of the night any more.

Me: What did Daddy do?

Jacob: He always wants to play Batman the hard way instead of the easy way.

Me: What’s the hard way?

Jacob: With the bad guys stealing everything from Batman.

Me: What’s the easy way?

Jacob: With Batman stealing everything from the bad guys.

Me: Well, I understand why you have to take away cuddling in the middle of the night. How do you think Daddy is going to feel?

Jacob: Sad.

Me: I guess Daddy will just have to realize that sometimes there are consequences to actions, right?

Jacob: Uh huh.

Me: So what are you going to do if you wake up in the middle of the night?

Jacob: I’m just going to take a sip of water, look at a book, and go back to sleep.

Me: I think that’s a good idea.

Jacob: I’m glad you like my plan.

Conversations with Batman: On Dinosaurs

This may be the kind of love that lasts a lifetime...

September 11, 2011
This morning in church in remembrance of 9/11, we heard the words every parent of a 2-year-old dreads hearing: "Now let's have a moment of silence..." I'm pretty sure that only the people around us noticed Jacob lunging at me with a rubber dinosaur saying, "Rawrrrr!" at that particular moment.

November 9, 2011
Last night Andy and I did a puppet show for Jacob (one of Jacob's all-time favorite forms of entertainment). We did a modified version of the 3 little pigs using the puppets we had on hand, "The 3 Little Kids and the Big Bad Dinosaur." When we got to the part where the dinosaur wants to come into the house and says, "Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I"ll chomp your house down!" Jacob said, "You can just open the door, dinosaur."

February 7, 2012
Last night Drew was crying in his room. The crying suddenly stopped and I hear this: "Roar! Roar! This dinosaur is in your room! Roar!" I go in and Drew is surrounded by stuffed animals staring wide-eyed at Jake, who is standing on the crib rail leaning over Drew with a rubber dinosaur.

February 12, 2012
Today I listened in on Jacob playing by himself. Here is the scenario he was concocting: His trains were going to the toy store to pick out a new toy. At the store, they chose a dinosaur. They brought the dinosaur home and discovered when it started roaring that it wasn't a toy dinosaur but a real live dinosaur. Future writer?

February 29, 2012
Jacob: What dinosaur do you want to talk? Godzilla or Dr. Sharp Tooth?
Me: Godzilla.
Jacob: No, I'm talking Godzilla. Pick again.

April 29, 2012
Jacob's solution to the deer problem mom has in her yard: "Let me bring Godzilla over some day."

July 17, 2012
Jacob recently put one of his T-rex dinosaurs, Dr. Sharp Tooth, down for a nap before he took his nap. When he got up from his nap, he went to see Dr. Sharp Tooth and said to him, "You took a really good nap, Dr. Sharp Tooth. I have a special treat for you... duck-billed dinosaur!"

September 8, 2012
"This is my new baryonyx dinosaur. He eats fish, and he can even eat a whole big baby." - Jacob to Drew

September 15, 2012
"Do you want to see a picture of my kid? He's a great kid. I really love him." - Godzilla the T-Rex (voiced by Jacob) talking to the blue Matchbox pick-up truck

November 11, 2012
Today I decided to bake a cake because I had a cake mix that was "taking up space in the cabinet." Jacob walked in and asked whose birthday it was. I said, "Well it's... Dr. Sharp Tooth's birthday!" (Dr. Sharp Tooth is a gray T-Rex.) Jacob was really excited, so we ended up throwing Dr. Sharp Tooth an impromptu birthday party, complete with invitations, party hats, and of course, cake. The pirates, sharks, and meat-eating dinosaurs were all in attendance. (The plant-eaters weren't invited and probably wouldn't have come anyway out of fear of becoming the party food.) Dr. Sharp Tooth wished on his birthday cake for a delicious snack tomorrow (which sounded ominous), and needless to say, he was thrilled to be so honored.

March 25, 2013
Me: What do you want to play
Jacob: Let's play dinosaurs.
Me: Okay, let's play in the sun room.
Jacob: No, let's play in the living room.
Me: But you picked what we're playing, so shouldn't I get to pick where we play?
Jacob: Fine, I'll pick where we play and you pick dinosaurs.

Conversations with Batman: On Preschool

In honor of another year of preschool ending, here are a few preschool stories...

October 19, 2011 

Getting ready for preschool today…

Jacob: I’m mad at you, Mama.

Me: Why?

Jacob: I don’t know. I in a grumpy mood.

On the way home from preschool…

Jacob: Jackson took my backpack, and I was like, “I need my backpack right now!” but Miss Melissa gave me my backpack, and she say, “No, that’s Jacob’s backpack.”

September 10, 2012

Jacob is at preschool, which means Drew has free reign over all the toys in the living room. I think it may be the best morning of his life.

October 3, 2012

Jacob: Hello…hello…hello…

Me: Jacob, who are you talking to?

Jacob: I’m just seeing what my voice sounds like. I think it sounds like Ben’s voice. You know, the Ben that sometimes wears the Batman shirt?

Me: Uh huh.

Jacob: That’s what his voice sounds like.

October 17, 2012

Jacob went on a rant today about juice. Gotta love preschool kids’ problems…

Me: What did you have for snack today at preschool?

Jacob: We had animal crackers and apple juice AGAIN! I’m so upset that everyone keeps bringing apple juice. Every kid who hasn’t had a turn yet keeps bringing the same juice that the other kids brought. I just think that’s just stupid.

Me: Maybe they really like apple juice.

Jacob: Well I’m going to tell the kid who brought apple juice today to bring a different juice next time.

John: What do you want to drink with lunch, Jacob? Apple juice?

October 17, 2012

Today Andy asked Jacob if he ever played with one of the girls in his preschool class…

Jacob: No, because she only plays with girl toys.

Me: What are girl toys?

Jacob: Ponies living in houses.

Andy: I thought you liked horses.

Jacob: Not ponies.

Seriously, how do they pick up on this stuff at 3 years old?

November 17, 2012

Jacob: What do these signs say?

Me: They say you have to have a blue tag on your car that matches that sign to park there. Its’ for people who are in wheelchairs or who have a hard time walking very far or maybe have a broken leg…

Jacob: Or maybe if a big animal with sharp teeth ate their legs…

Me: Yep, that too.

February 18, 2013
Me: Did you know you don't have preschool today?
Jacob: Why not?
Me: Because it's President's Day. It's a holiday.
Jacob: Yay! Does that mean I can open my birthday presents?
Nice try.

March 27, 2013
Jacob's friend Jack at preschool invited him to a birthday party at his house. After Jacob got the invitation, he asked Andy and me,"Do you think Jack thinks I know how to drive?"